This morning I discovered a voicemail that was received last night after I had gone to bed. My long-distance friend was upset with me because I had failed to comment on a facebook posting about her life-threatening surgery. I feel horrible that she experience this and I didn’t respond. I feel horrible that she called me and was upset that I didn’t respond, because I am sure she feels physically terrible anyway. Adding emotional pain made her believe that I didn’t care.
My only excuse is that I missed that post. I had been gone when her emergency occurred and had never gotten caught up on reading all my facebook posts and comments. I just didn’t know. ‘
I have since called her and all is right with the world again. She understood; she just felt like no one cared at the moment.
Feeling like no one cares. Most of us have experienced this. A few days pass and everyone you love and care about are busy with other things. Maybe you post a blog or a facebook status, and the reaction you were hoping for doesn’t happen. A landmark day in your life comes and goes leaving you unsatisfied. An anniversary of loss makes you miss someone so much that you can hardly go on.
I learned by example that when things like this happen, you just go on. Suck it up. Get on with your life. Be tough.
I am rethinking that response. Maybe I should respond in a different way. Maybe I should get angry and shout out loud and send a message that I am upset or feeling neglected. I know I am guilty of holding my feelings inside. In my family, that was a trait to be admired. It was a sign of strength, that one could overcome anything by pure will.
It’s not always good to hold your feelings inside. At some point, something has to give.
My friend has no difficulty telling others how she feels. If someone upsets her, she lets them know. If someone neglects to do something, she is there to remind them to get it done. She wears her heart on her sleeve. You have no doubt where you stand with her.
I’m the opposite of this. I keep things bottled up not expressing how I feel. I don’t want to offend anyone or make them feel bad. No one really knows how I stand on certain issues. Sometimes I don’t even know.
I have survived being the way I am and she has survived being the way she is. There’s no right way or wrong way. We are what we are. It’s important to keep that in mind in order to keep the peace.
Retired Ruth 
I am rarely on Facebook so I have probably missed many things and hurt many people’s feeling about not commenting. I’m afraid I just don’t “get” the whole Facebook thing. I know some people are hooked, but I can’t get into it. So sorry to hear about your friend but glad you cleared the air. An innocent oversight.
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Facebook is very strange like that. I had a friend who posted after Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast last year that they were VERY offended that with all of her friends not one person asked how her parents were! They apparently lived in New Jersey. The post went on and on about how she thought everyone was her friend and should have cared. It’s just strange.
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I left a message and it disappeared. This is a test to see if it goes to the same place. Dianne
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Got it
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I seldom get on FB but when I do I find most of my friends and relatives are not very active. It’s hard to know when they write something, whereas if we write a post it can show up in the mail should the friend care enough to “follow” us. Dianne
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So true. I am sporadic with my postings as well so I guess the rule to follow is ….phone calls, letters, emails, even texts are probably a more sure way to get your message to the right person in a timely manner.
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I agree…. facebook is not a good emergency contact!
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Love this post. I’m more like you, and it is necessary some times so you can avoid unnecessary drama. I read somewhere you don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to, and that is what I adhere to most of the time. As far as Facebook goes, everyone should realize just what it is – a place where lives are air brushed for effect in order to meet the needs of the thousands of ‘friends and likes’ that you have never met. A real friend should be in contact and not rely on a Facebook post even reaching you which in most cases is the reality. My real life is enriched by spending as little time on Facebook as possible. Glad you and your friend are in sync.
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I love that phrase…. a place where lives are airbrushed for effect…. you said it all!
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Cognitive Dissonance is something I have been studying of late Ruth and your post is right there in included in my studies now.
Thank you for sharing such an honest side of you.
Most times I am able to be like your friend, and I wear my heart on both sleeves But there are certain situations, certain people that I hold back from.
There is in all of us this need for approval & acceptance, and when we don;t get what we need sometimes we rebel out loud.
Again just as you say no right, no wrong, Just being who we are.
Now the difficult part.. accepting ourselves just as we are.
Great post Ruth !
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The tyranny of social media is becoming a menace, in some respects. I have seen something (things) similar happen to what you described, and it’s unpleasant and unnecessary. We can’t all be “online” all the time. We need to live our lives free of this stuff. It’s becoming a given that we post and our minions respond. So we don’t feel compelled to reach out and tell someone close to us. We have 15 FB friends make up for that one real friend. I don’t know. This probably makes no sense coming from a blogger on a blog ;), but it’s becoming a problem.
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It makes absolute sense. Blogging is a bit different than facebook and twitter and all the other ways to connect. A blog is a way to express yourself (not instantly) but with thought. I have deactivated my facebook account several times and opened it again. Its an addiction and sometimes a fun way to connect with people so not without merit,but yes, it can become a menace. Thanks.
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If I have something to share, I don’t rely on FB or WP …
Sometimes though, we don’t want to have to tell people; we just want them to know! That’s not realistic either though, is it?
True friendship wins out …glad all is well!
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I do that with my husband all the time!! He is supposed to know when I am upset with him (and he NEVER does,,,, lol True friendship usually relies on direct contact… that’s a good thing!
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Ok…me too…until lately…maybe it’s my age…but, I’m beginning to get my voice…We have been taught to suck it up…don’t make waves…etc. …but, others like your friend …pour it out…I find people are quite surprised when “my” truths come out…but, it sure can feel good!
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I think it might be our age, too, that gives up the confidence to say what we want. After all we are older and wiser now, right? ::/
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of course!…wisdom comes with age …I’m sure!
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I am much like you but when I do let it out, I feel better (after the dust has settled).
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I do Understand the “dust has settled” phrase. I usually feel better afterwards, too. Unless I say something really stupid!
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You are absolutely right. We can’t depend on the social media for important messages.
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I think you need to tell your friend that when something is really important she needs to write you directly. I’m more like you and suck it up…. I don’t think it’s good or bad.
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