Will I Ever Be At Ease Again?

For most of you out there in the world, staying in and staying confined during the pandemic was difficult. It was for me! I had friends that didn’t change their lifestyles much at all. They had Christmas and all the other holidays with their families and had no ill effects. And then there were those who disregarded many of the orders from the CDC and paid dearly for it.

I felt like I was in the middle… I sanitized, wore masks, stayed home a lot but I also went to Walmart and ordered carry out. I cancelled our family get together because of my age and my husband’s age and our “underlying health issues”. I felt guilty and felt a little betrayed and even indignant when friends and other family members were not as careful as I was or didn’t share my fears and decisions.

I missed weekly activities with my two best friends. But we all have health issues and are all “of a certain age”. I still feel the need to justify my behavior, though I followed “the science”.

Yes, It had been hard staying in during the pandemic. But I didn’t realize how hard it would be to once again “go out”.

We’ve gone out for a meal a few times. The first time, I went home with my stomach in knots, sure that I had been infected by someone in the restaurant. I forgot how to interact with the server. I felt the urge to jump out of the booth and run back out to the car where it was safer. It was easier the second time but there was still the anxiety. I was angry because going out to dinner was supposed to be a fun and relaxing activity.. and it wasn’t.

I went to Walmart for the first time without a mask. I felt as if everyone there was judging me, whether they wore a mask or not. At checkout this sweet elderly lady ahead of me said to me, “It’s OK dear, you know you don’t have to stand that far back anymore.” I couldn’t move even with her permission.


About Life in the 50's and beyond...

Welcome to Life in the 50's and 60's and beyond .... where I write about my childhood memories, music of the 60's and about life in the country. I am a mother, grandmother, farmer's wife, business owner, and retired teacher.
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5 Responses to Will I Ever Be At Ease Again?

  1. I’m in Ontario and it’s similar here to what your friend in Vancouver reported above. They’ve accelerated second shots now, so my husband and I should be fully vaccinated by the end of June (hurray!) I don’t know when I’ll feel comfortable going to visit friends, never mind going out for a meal, or shopping without a mask (I’ll probably continue to wear one, and I’ll never, ever let myself run out of hand sanitizer [in the car and in my purse] again!) I fear it’s going to be a long journey back to near-normal. I’m fortunate to live in a rural area where we’ve had very few cases and there’s never a crowd in the stores, but visits to family and friends in “the city” will be a long time coming for me, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lhhouben says:

    We’re still in “lockdown” mode here in Vancouver BC. My husband is still working from home. We still wear masks and social distance. We have a very slow roll out vaccine program so we only have our first jabs of the vaccine. We have to wait until August to get the 2nd ones. We order delivery of food in order to keep our favourite restaurants in business. The other night we had Korean, delivered by a young man on an electric unicycle! That was sure a sight to see. I’m personally not going into a restaurant to eat until the word Covid isn’t heard of again. We haven’t had an illness since 2019 so all this social distancing is sure working. I’m not sure I can ever handle a crowd again! And if anyone comes too close to me, I might consider wearing a sign on my back which says to stay back. LOL And I’ll always wear a mask in flu season. And I’ll NEVER shake hands again as I learned people don’t wash their hands even after bathroom trips. That’s too gross for me….take care!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We missed our only grandchild’s 3rd birthday and also her 4th. But at the same time, I was able to recover from total reverse shoulder replacement (didn’t know what all I was getting into just because I wanted the constant pain to stop), and finished my second book. Thankful and humbled, but ready to see Kate and her parents!


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