Finding Roger

I have discovered a sure-fire way to find my husband.  It’s the most amazing concept I have ever come up with.

My husband is a farmer/excavator.  Not a combination I would ever recommend to anyone, but that is another story.  Consequently he is always somewhere else. A job site, another farm location, the next county looking at a job…. He is  seldom here at the farm   He is  seldom even nearby   Yes, cell phones have helped locate him but keep in mind our relationship predates cell phones by a good 30 years!

Here’s what does work and it’s very simple.  The first few times it happened, I didn’t even realize the connection.  It seemed coincidental.   But now I have it all under control.   It’s simple.  It’s clean.  It’s not difficult.  It involves no one else. But it works.

I know you are probably a bit skeptical.  What trick has this lady figured out that can make a husband appear without fail time after time after time?  You will be so mad at yourself when you hear what I have to say.  It will be one of those why-didn’t-I-think-of-that moments.  You willbe amazed.

If you want your husband to appear physically in person ….. you just…..

mop the floor.

Seriously.  As soon as my back porch/mudroom is glistening and gleaming as a result of my sweeping and scrubbing…he will appear.   Usually with muddy boots.  Or boots with dried up dirt falling  all over the floor.  Or tiny puddles of motor oil soaked into the tread of his work shoes.  Or seed corn, seed beans, grass, hay, straw, wheat, or animal dander sprinkled across his shoulders and caught up in his hairy arms.  If its winter there will be globs of snow and ice, that nasty salty deicer stuff that leaves white spots all over your floor and maybe even tiny stones that get stuck in the soles of his boots

He will appear.  And he will be oblivious to all the things he brings with him.

Now I know that this works for farmer/excavator types of husbands but I have done no extensive research on other types of husbands. And if you don’t have a husband to begin with, this method does not apply. I would like to know if there are other wives out there who have special ways of finding their husbands.

How do YOU find your husband?